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oh yeeeeah, I have a livejournal. [Jan. 22nd, 2005|06:33 pm]
[mood |happyenjoying the soon gone moment.]
[music |sounds of the chatter of family and friends]

Well it is quite a bit harder to make
frequent entries on here without a computer.

Imagine that!

I am entertaining the idea of doing a bit of
research and finding out how much it would be
for me to make a water-safe, rugged, somewhat
drop resistant portable PC. I am sure I could
scrounge or beg donation of quite a few of the
parts I would need... though I do not yet know
quite enough about hardware to know how to go
about it all by myself... perhaps I will hunt
out someone with that type of knowledge and/or
do some heavy reading about the subject. ...

Hmm... an old laptop screen of some type, small
would be nice. Some kind of small hard-drive +
at least one type of removable media type... a
usb port, a port for keyboard and mouse (and a
monitor even) would be nice for non-travel type
situations. Hmm, simple monitor, usb... I could
have a USB floppy drive and a USB cd reader or
even burner and other usb devices to have ready
to use or to travel with as needed... hmm, some
of those little mini hard drives they put into
pocket pcs, tablet pcs, and laptops... um.. oh
some type of input device, a small little pad
are for use with a stylus and a handwriting
recognition program (and onscreen keyboard tool)
would be all I really need... oh, the onscreen
keyboard depends on a touch screen, not a scrap
laptop screen... hmm, well, I suppose there are
used/scrap touch screens as well, perhaps from
grocery stores or any of those mall/store/kiosk
touch screens all over... there have to be some
though a lot of those are big monitors not small
portable screens... hmm, something to think about
a touch screen is far superiour to a normal laptop
screen in all ways... oh, they make cool some cool
devices that track your eye and do the pointing
through that though they need glasses or something
I think... oh they have those glasses that are a
monitor display too... *drool* but... anyway...
small touch screen, small hard drives, some ports,
a motherboard that has all of those ports, sound
card on-board too... and then some kind of power
supply, some way to recharge it, a small solar
panel would be nice too but I do not know how
practical that is... hmm, too sleepy to think this
out very well. ... Some type of case that can take
the weather and a beating... oh, it would need the
different wireless cards built in, as well as some
way to access satellite internet though I need to
do some more research to see what the best way to
gain access to the different networks without having
to carry a huge panel or dish with me. I know they
make some small ones that collapse or that you can
build on-site, hmm... okay, enough dreaming about
having my own computer while I this one right here
to use for tonight. I am probably taking a flight to
Australia tomorrow night or early Monday depending
on the weather. I do not know how long I will be
there, it could be as short as a week, or two but I
imagine I will be there for about a month. I think
I will be able to get on-line from public internet
terminals once every day or two but probably only
for a short time, a half hour or so at most...

If anyone has any portable computing, wireless/sat
access, or hardware suggestions, feel free to comment
or e-mail if you are one of those people who will
not just take the two minutes to set up your own LJ so
that you can comment on my journal instead of e-mailing.


Oh, hmm... any actual news instead of just my PC dreams?

um, I have been doing a lot of reading, study, thinking...
I want to devote some time to learning the different
variations of cuneiform ...

I have been doing a lot of reading about
the 'ancient' civilizations of mesopotamia.

Amazing how similar the names and stories are to the
names and stories used later later in stories by peoples
all over the world. There is a lot more to say on that
topic but... now is not the time. I get to go spend time
with 'my family' (or the closest I have really) so now
is the time to do that I suppose... having a big dinner
tonight, quite an event, ... yay.
linkpost comment

Damn! [Jan. 3rd, 2005|04:20 am]
[mood |crushedpocket pc why have you let me]
[music |teardrops splashing down on the tablet pc glass screen]

Well, it was nice while it lasted.

My pocket pc escaped.

Well, it fell while I was climbing a tree.
...well, *I* fell... about 10 feet...
it flew from my hand as I hit ground and
escaped... and by escaped I mean it sort of
flew off into oblivion, perhaps down a 50+
foot cliff, perhaps just off in the grass
somewhere. I have looked for some time...
I will look more tomorrow. I have a feeling
it went off of the cliff because as I was
getting up off of the ground I heard it make
the chirping noise of losing connection ...
the chirping noise sort of faded also ...
though I did not hear any thump or crash or
whatever noise a pocket pc would make falling
50+ feet ... also I do not think it would lose
connection on the ground because I was on the
ground before climbing to get a better signal
and it was working from there, just not well.

I will look tomorrow.

I am not going to hold much faith
that it survived because it is not a tough
little thing at all. It was made for NYC 'free'
wireless hopping not this sort of situation...
or so I am mockingly told by adam who is going
to let me use his tablet pc while he is asleep.

I *REALLY* need to get one of these...
it is really amazing. Quite a bit heavier than
my featherweight pocket pc (*weep*) but still
only a few pounds and ... just amazing, this is
a HammerHead XRT made by Walkabout Computers.

It really is just amazing. I have no idea how
much they cost but probably thousands of dollars.
It is almost impossible to destroy, I was invited
to try. I love using the pen. It has built in
wireless, and can connect to many different types
of wireless setup... the specs are just amazing.



Maybe I can find something older than this (much older)
that is in my price range. This is blazing fast, runs XP,
speakers, full color... all I would need is something
slow that can handle some simple type of word processing,
web pages and messenger tools. While being rough, tough,
able to take a beating, a dunk in some water, with built
in wireless... maybe I will look around on-line...

Any donations or suggestions would be wonderful.

I plan to write more about my implants soon.
If anyone had any specific questions ask here
or send me an e-mail. I plan to write another
somewhat detailed post on my reasoning and
how they are doing... but it will only contain
what I find interesting, want to get out of my head,
or find entertaining at the time of typing unless
anyone wondering lets me know what it is that they
are wondering about. (I got a few e-mails asking why
I would do something like this but I think those
people were just horrified that I might cut myself
open and put things in my body... not people who were
wondering why inside, why crystals, why certain places,
why the different types of crystals at different points...

so on, so forth, those are the things I will cover...

This is not so much of an announcement as a way to
motivate myself. If I come back and read this and have not
yet even started writing a post about the implants then I
can feel like I am lying to my precious audience. :p

Long story short for those more worried than interested:

No pain now.
Cuts healing very nicely.
Removed 1 because it felt wrong.

and a tidbit or two for the somewhat interested:

Yes, I feel a very noticeable change.
Yes, it does feel somewhat odd.
I am gaining more experience in quartz matrix
vibrational programming now than ever before.

I am trying to encourage my body and brain to
establish its own natural rhythm of understanding
the crystals, programming them, self cleansing,
itself and the crystals. Focusing my intent on them,
building those networks, encouraging them to do their thing.

While working their best to help me do my thing. ;)

In ancient times long forgotten to the academic world
crystal implantation was more popular, gems programmed
with a certain vibratory pattern would be placed under
the skin or even implanted deep into the body or BRAIN.
From the stories I have been told and teachings I have
recieved I hear this practice as somewhat widespread...
of course I am talking about 10s of thousands of years
ago here... implanted into couples to strengthen bonds,
implanted into students to pass on knowledge, groups
would spend time meditating on crystals, entering them
with their mind, creating complicated programs and then
placing the stone inside the person it was being charged
for. Again, from what I have heard these were all types
of people, all types of stones. From highly spiritual
beings almost filling their bodies with a grid of gems,
metals, and crystal configurations down to criminals
being implanted with a crystal programmed to counter
the criminal impulses they might have... even inside
of animals, a way of training, or a way of forming
a bond, communicating with them, even taming the
most wild of beasts... this post is getting long
and I want to explore the workings of this tablet pc
before its owner wakes... also I keep being afraid
I have lost this window when opening others because
I am not used to the way this pc works after using
my own PPC for so long... ugh, I hope I find it.
linkpost comment

oh the horrible pain of moving [Jan. 1st, 2005|07:40 pm]
[mood |sadpain oh the paaaiiin]
[music |the hum]

well now having things implanted under your skin,
it feels a lot stranger than i imagined it would.

i am going to let myself heal before i attempt to
really focus my energy on any of the stone implants

the cuts hurt because something is pushing on them
but that is already going away, some of the stones
are probably a bit too large, i should have started
with a smaller stone, then reopened the skin and then
implanted the larger stones, in the stretched pocket
oh well, i have faith that these will heal well

we shall see
link8 comments|post comment

head is spinning can not stand the hum [Jan. 1st, 2005|04:20 pm]
my head is humming
inside banging around in my skull
crying to get out
envelop the universe

24 new cuts in me
20 stones

more details later

linkpost comment

waiting for sundown [Dec. 31st, 2004|05:34 pm]
[mood |energeticsoon comes the blood]
[music |the sounds of a bathing girl]

soon the sun will set

28 possible implants
not sure which will work

most of them, I hope

I am going to take a hot ritual bath
oil and scrape my skin clean of toxins.

Bathing as the sun goes down.

Cutting after.

Wish me luck.
(good luck!)
linkpost comment

another day in the land time forgot [Dec. 31st, 2004|03:15 am]
[mood |energeticwalking, hoping for abduction]
[music |pale fingers tapping on tiny plastic keys]

Trying to clear my mind.

I have been reading and thinking about
subdermal implant procedures all day long.
So far I have not really learned anything.
I have learned the name of some of the
risks I already had imagined. I did a bit
more research on the general anatomy of the
areas I am thinking about placing subdermal
stone implants in. I spent the day thinking
about different spots. Looking at my small
stones and wondering which are best for each
location. Trying to determine which are the
best shaped and most smooth. I did a small
test cut today to see what it would feel
like and to determine the depth I am looking
for. It was not a big deal at all. My current
plan is to make a series of small incisions
and then work on stretching them open and
pocketing the stones inside. If any seem
uncomfortable or in a bad place I will just
remove them. I am sure I will be ready by
tomorrow. I will spend the rest of tonight
researching energy points and various stone
properties till I get sleepy. I will set my
stones out again to cleanse and then work
on programming them. Cutting, lifting,
pocketing, and then sealing... for the small
cut earlier today I just used glue. For the
work I am going to do tomorrow I might want
to try to get ahold of some butterfly strips
or just do some sewing.... hmm, always glue.

I missed chatting with my friend my only a few
minutes yesterday. I am hoping to be able to
stay up later tonight in hopes to chat for a bit
before I pass out. Things are so slow here now.
Meditation, fasting, calm, quiet. I spent most of
my day learning from the leaders here, napping,
and chatting with my friend who is waiting to go
on this grand exploratory adventure I promised him.

We shall see.

For now I guess I will go take a very quiet late
night/early morning walk. People are telling me
I am mad to walk around alone, at night, so far from
the others... but I have seen nothing so far to make
me fear or worry... I know some legends of strange
creatures... peoples... but I would be happy to see
them, not scared. Even if I was not able to return.
link1 comment|post comment

this is the noise that keeps me awake [Dec. 30th, 2004|01:30 pm]
[mood |thoughtfulplanning these subdermals]
[music |my head explodes and my body aches]

Today should be a fun day. I got more sleep than I expected.
No one came to wake me up! Very exciting. My friend thought
I had caught a ride into town to try to buy a blank journal
or some paper, (I wish I had!) so he was not looking for me.

Fasting is much easier here than it would be other places.
Here it is very easy to fast, the small village I am staying
in ... everyone is fasting, the villages near here... everyone
is fasting. I am sure I could find something to eat if I really
wanted to but... no one is cooking, no one is eating, and that
makes it all much easier. If there were a diner here, or if
people were cooking meals it would be hard to smell the food
and not eat. I think the fasting will be well worth it though.

At the end of the fasting period I will go through some type
of initiation rite and be given permission (and help) to go
on my little quest of sorts... I am not sure what the initiation
will be like but I am hoping it will involve food! :)

Actually I have some small idea what it is about, just not much
idea what it will be like... I know I will be asked to recite
a series of stories I have learned from my past in this area.
I will hear a new story and hopefully be able to remember it
well enough to make it back to my journal to write the valuable
encoded messages down to study on my own later. I know the end of
the ritual involves me taking something, fuel, food for my light
body, energy... manna, something magical. I would go much more
than 9 days without food for this chance. I am wondering what
the food for my light body will be exactly. I have some ideas,
metals, gemstones, herbs, drugs... not quite sure though.

I do not even know if I will be told at the time. I know that
the preperations the village elder and his student are going
through for my initiation are very old and take a lot of energy,
effort, and concentration to be sure all is done as required.

I am going to try not to think about it right now.

I have enough to make today exciting without having to dwell on
the future that may be.

I need to do a bit more research on subdermal implants.
I need to set up a clean space around a fire.
I need to bless the area and remove any bad or negative energy.
I need to decide which blade will do this job best.
I need to find something to use to lift and pocket my flesh.
I need to decide which energy points are best for which stones.
I need to check for the sweet spots, the perfect place for each stone.

I need to go do that instead of just writing a journal entry about it.
linkpost comment

scars are souvigners you never lose [Dec. 30th, 2004|04:09 am]
[mood |sleepysooo sleepy]
[music |my own slow sleepy breathing]

It is so quiet here.
Camping out almost a mile from town.
3 hours till sunrise. I do not think I will make it.
I am going to set all of my stones out to cleanse in the sun.
Gathered in a circle all around me as I sleep.
I wonder if the sun will wake me up.
I did not sleep last night and have not yet tonight...
though I did nap on car trips. :) ...I imagine I will
try to sleep till someone comes and finds me and wakes me up.
Maybe an hour or two into the day if I am lucky... 4 or 5
hours from now... I only need about 3 to make a very nice sleep.
Maybe I will wait a bit before going to sleep. I keep hoping a
good friend of mine might come on. I am keeping myself awake by
doing some basic research on subdermal implants. Getting a rough
idea of what is in the areas I want to cut into. How deep to go.
What to avoid. I am going to implant some of my smaller stones
over the next few days while fasting. I feel like I am ready to
house some of the stones I have that have spooked me out a bit
in the past. Some of the others I have been planning to implant
for years but did not have the time. I am tempted to start now...
or at least make a test cutting... but then I know I will not
sleep and will be cutting myself up til mid morning... hmm...

So very tempting, but I do want these stones to be washed clean
again before I implant them. I will smudge and then wash them
also I suppose. I better go ahead and set them up around me now
because sleep is quickly crawling up to take ahold of me.

Off to set up my primal altar and then sleep unless my friend
comes on while I am getting ready to sleep.

I hope to have dreams tonight that guide me over the next few days.
link4 comments|post comment

fasting [Dec. 29th, 2004|03:00 am]
[mood |bouncyaware]
[music |sound of my beating heart]

my time table has gone all to hell
each small area we go through leads
to further distractions ... I have
not been here for quite some time so
it is a big deal to people I used to
know or who are involved in some way
with some of the things I am involved
with... spiritual leads of these small
groupings of people want to share their
stories with me, I have filled two of
the four blank journals I brought with me.
I imagined they might last an entire month.
A week each... does not seem to be the case.
Next time I am anywhere near an area that
would have blank books, or even paper for sale
I will stock up and mail these journals 'home'.

The stories I am hearing are full of ancient
secrets, astrology and astronomy, mathematical
code, hints at sciences the world is not yet
ready to understand. Things long forgotten.
Things important enough to make sure to get
more paper for because my memory is only so good.

I have a small group of friends traveling with me
now. A friend from NYC who is interested in ancient
sciences, traditions, and religions. He has two
friends who will be joining us in a few days,
after the fasting... they were supposed to come with
him but things have been pushed back a bit...

We spent the night in Teotihuacan!
The area is fenced and gated but easy
to gain access to on foot.
We did not sleep there but we stayed for many hours...
talking... sharing stories of the area and the
ancient traditions surrounding it... the secrets held
in those stories. We returned to the village where we
are staying before morning. We will be here till the
fasting is done. At that point the elder will let his
student be my guide. He came with us to the pyramids
last night but he was afraid to say much about them.
I was sharing my knowledge freely and hearing similar
stories from around the world from my friend. I hope
that my guide (Kenwe) will open up some. I know he
has learned quite a bit... but I also know he has
been told not to share that information with anyone
who is not worthy or prepared. I imagine he will see
my friend worthy and I myself already know much of
what he would share.... but I know my friend was
only saying little bits of what he knows... little
hints to make me want to learn more. We had a long
talk about Graham Hancock who wrote a book called,
'Fingerprints of the Gods', I had a copy on my PPC
and was reading bits of it outloud to my greatly
amused guide. The sense of discovery and wonder in
the book is delightful but the parts written about
this area... though lacking in true depth, are my
favourite... they seem to be a turning point in the
depths of his awareness and understanding. I think
being here had a major impact on him. I know it did
the first time I was here... for a ritual... this time
was much more calm, much different, nice. Though still
I feel a burst of new energy inside of me that I hope
will remaind with me through my coming days. While
there I could clearly see the gold and silver flecks
drifting about, sparking light filling everything.

I have gone from near dead, to sick and exhausted, to
exploring and resting, to feasting, back to exploring
now with the addition of fasting... I keep slipping
away... reality blinking on and off for me... time
slipping past so slowly I can hear my heart beats like
they are minutes away or so quickly that I feel I can
feel the earth whipping through space at a break-neck
speed... I am feeling somewhat dizzy right now so I
will go ahead and post this and lay down for a bit.

In a very short time a good friend might be on-line to
chat with me so I will rest and then come back...
maybe another journal entry before I sleep.
link4 comments|post comment

sweet dark chocolate [Dec. 26th, 2004|03:30 am]
[mood |sleepylooking forward to a rest]
[music |a sputtering candle and the creatures of the night]

I have eaten so much chocolate today.
The area I am staying in has been having small feasts every day.
Each day they get larger and larger, more food,
more time spent on meals, more people show up.

I find it odd that I act so differently while here
though I do not feel that I am being at all false.
I do not feel that I am only being a certain way to
obtain a desired effect... I do not feel like I am
acting a certain way because I want to be something
or someone that others might see me as... it has more
been a case of just knowing how to act, going with the
flow, being myself and finding my place instead of
trying to make actual attempts to lead... just doing
my own thing and letting anyone who is interested take
note, and going about my business with those who are
not interested remaining blind to me... maybe I am
over thinking this... I have no way to establish in
my mind how important I even think this topic is...

Just rambling.

Oh yes. Each day, more and more food. More excitement.

Very soon a traditional cleansing and rebirth ritual
period will be a part of the lives of the spiritual
people of this area. The exact reasons for this
being the time of that cleansing and eventual rebirth
is not really known (or discussed at least) by most
of the people in the area. They just follow ancient
custom. After a few more days of feasting people
will start a 9 day fast. During this time they will
all clean all of their possessions, their homes, each
day has a ritual bathing and body cleansing process.
Different herbs, oils, juices. No food for 9 days.

Other than the time spend cleaning the villages, the
homes, the few possessions, and the body, the rest of
the time is to be spent cleansing the mind and dealing
with issues in the home or community. A time of rebirth
where everyone greets each other anew with clean slates
coming to understandings about issues and putting them
in the past. Forgive and forget. Everyone is very calm
and quiet for the most part... which I look forward to.

These past few days have been so busy. So many people.
Even people who do not know me, have no idea who I am
or why I am here still want to talk with me. I stand
out. I always have people around me. I spend time with
the elders. I tend to pick the most submissive and
devoted of the people who offer me their assistance.
Well, perhaps it is more just that I attract attention
and here if someone makes eye contact with me I try to
talk to them. If too many people go by having looked me
in the eye and not talked with me I feel uncomfortable.
Rumor and bad news spread quickly here and I do not
want to be brought into any of that just because I am
somewhat of a local celebrity... keep in mind that the
most exciting things to happen here are most often things
that have happened the year before and the year before that
traditional special occasions, family special occasions,
certain weather events or news from outside but... things
here stay the same for the most part. I am the white girl
who sticks her nose in everything and has some sort of
ties to local government and spiritual practices...

Point being I tend to stick out, if nothing else.

On a less entertaining note ... my head itches!
Not quite sure why... I will oil and heat my hair tomorrow,
vinegar rinse it and let it dry natural, finger comb it out.
I think it is just my head trying to adapt to going from NYC
mid winter to central america. Skin in shock, starting to adapt,
create different amounts of oils... fun stuff... a oil and vinegar
rinse should fix me up ... I will smell like a salad but I think
I can deal with having 'salad dressing smell' added to the list of
things being mumbled about me. I feel self centered returning to
people talking about me over and over but I know it is a major local
issue. Many people think that my being here is a sign of something.
Some think it is something horrible, others think it is something
amazing, either way they have been told it is an important reason.
Most of the people, the people central to the main community at least,
know that I am trying to gain approval of the village elder to have
his student come with me on a trip as a guide. No one would be rude
enough to ask for details.... but I know it is on everyones tongues.
I can see it in their looks, in the change of the flow of conversation
as I pass through an area, the faces and body language of people as I
walk along.

Dwelling on peoples thoughts and words of me again... *unhappy sigh*
I have little else to think on though, this is the next step on the
road ahead of me. I feel that the choice made by the elder here will
set the entire tone of this exploration I want to go on. Why is that?
Is this a case where I think I have some amazing sense of fate or
destiny? The results of a brain storm? A possibly prophetic dream?
Is this just a case of me thinking his help is so important because
it is how I have imagined this working best... because it is what I want.
I would hope my reasons for wanting his help are indeed something deep...
not just my desire for his help pushing me to feel it is needed...

I guess I am just over thinking things again because no matter what...
even if I am being as selfish as possible, on a crazy insane fucked up
quest for nothing at all... a total waste of time... even at very worst
it is not going to be me who decides if he will come... it will be the
elder, the council, the leaders, the priests, and they will decide based
on their thoughts, their own visions, their own sense of destiny, or any
number of things. All they have from me is a simple request. I should
just allow things to remain at that. I have faith that there is something
to be found, something important. I have faith that I am being led there,
given clues. I am going to go there, do my best, and make the best usage
of my time possible either way... if he does come with me I confident
that he will be of great help to me, no matter what the end results.
I do not have it in my heart or mind to make use of him, be dishonest, or
at all manipulative... so I think this is all that really matters. The
rest is out of my hands... and on that note I will go rest for a bit.
link2 comments|post comment

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